Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love you.
Bad choice
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
