I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
