I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
