i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
