Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
