I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
