Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
