I met the friendliest cop last night
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
this beer tastes like vomit already
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
