Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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