She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize