I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
