its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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