Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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