Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
