I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize