her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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