We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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