Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
