'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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