I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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