good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
