id be glad to
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
