I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
