yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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