I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
