Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
