Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
