I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
