I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
