so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
