did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
