either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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