Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
