put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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