i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
