lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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