FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
