you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
