There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
