I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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