When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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