i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
