i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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