Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
