Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize