you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
