How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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