Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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