The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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