Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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