3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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