Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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