I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Holy shit dude........stairs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
