Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
