My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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