I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
