mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
