I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
