I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
