I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
