Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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