I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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