Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
home. puking in laundry basket.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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