You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
