you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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