Where are you?
In a non slutty way
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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