Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Redeem this text for a blowjob
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You ruined the universe
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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