Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
