I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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