So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
