Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
