Already got asked if we're dating
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
