There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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