i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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