You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
