i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
