Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
