WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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