You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
