This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
