I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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