Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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