Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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