at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
