i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
