The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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